Sunday, October 18, 2009

Testimony Night

Stumbled upon it at random.
I was so discouraged by the recession in particular and disgusted by the political scene in general I actually broke down and went to church last night. First time in over 20 years! You know you're motivationally desperate when you stoop that low. Well, this little place turned out to be a holy-roller, Azuza Street-style storefront, and it was testimony night. This old, hippy-looking dude got the ball rolling when he stood up and said
"I used to be a doper, but Jesus saved me, praise the Lord!"
The crowd broke into shouts and screaming. This little old lady up front fell down on the floor and started rolling around in the dirt. A middle-aged brunette woman I would not have kicked out of bed for eating crackers, stood up and shouted in a thick, redneck drawl
"Ah usta be a drunkard, but Jeeeezus saved me! Praise the Loward!!"
I was tearing up at this point as the organ started to play in high, soaring notes, and the jumping, yelling and shouting reached a fever pitch. Finally, caught up in the euphoria of the goings-on, I searched my soul for the most recent, major blessing God had bestowed upon my life, and raised my voice in triumph:
"I used to be a Republican, but George W. Bush saved me! Praise the Lord!!!"
You could have heard a pin drop.
Surveying the rather nonplussed faces turned my way, I uneasily made it toward the door!

2 comments:

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

i laughed so hard i spit water on my screen...

texlahoma said...

LOL! Good time to leave. You good for another 20 years now?