Friday, January 13, 2012

Bob & Dan

Bob gets summoned to the HR Department late one Friday and is scared to learn it's Dan who wants to see him: Dan has a reputation for delivering bad news...The kind generally accompanied by a pink slip! Cautiously, he enters Dan's office and sits down.
"You wanted to see me, Dan?"
"Yes Bob, I've some good news and some bad news."
Bob fears the worst, but says "let's have the bad news first."
Dan gets up, walks around the desk and closes the door to his office, then turns on Bob with a wild-eyed expression on his face that would have made Jack Nickelson look sane in The Shining.
"In about 90 minutes, I'm gonna reach into that file cabinet over there and whip out a couple Uzis, walk blithely through this department and rake it with automatic gunfire til there's not a soul alive. Then I'm going to come back here, get the two improvised flame-throwers I also have hidden there, put on my coat and turn everybody in Sales & Marketing into flaming charcoal briquettes. Then it's off to the special meeting the CEO called this morning where I'll pull both the semi-automatics hidden in my coat out and send all the members of the board of directors to hell where they belong! No one here at that time shall be spared my wrath!!!"
"God and Sonny Jesus, Dan," Bob asks "What's the good news?"
"You're fired. Pack your shit and get the fuck out."


texlahoma said...

That kind of takes the edge off of getting fired.

BBC said...

That was pretty damn good.

Galt-in-Da-Box said...

Had I been Bob, I think I would have needed a dry, clean pair of pants about halfway through the "bad news" and passed out by the time he was finished...
Something about being locked in with a fucking maniac.

BBC said...

Ever go hiking out in nature? It pays to use the buddy system and go with someone else, and pack a pistol.

If a large pissed off critter starts to attack you can shoot your buddy in the knee to slow him down so you can make your escape while the critter goes for the easy prey. :-)